My Belated Birthday Present

I was very happy when Mabel called me a few days ago and wondered if I wanted to hang out with her yesterday. She wanted to make dinner for me, as a treat for my last year's birthday present.( In our family we already get used to not celebrate our birthday on the actual day).

She came with her tiring eyes at 11a.m. We went out for lunch and then got back to our apartment at 2.30p.m. She wanted to take a nap first before we went over to her apartment. Even though she said it was my day and she would do whatever I wanted to do yesterday. What I wanted her to do was I would like her to get enough rest though.. So we both took a nap... and our nap turned into 3 hours sleep instead - we both woke up at 5:30 p.m.! We DID had a great nap! :) Then we went for grocery shopping for dinner before we headed to her apartment.

Mabel, my Master Chef has a good touch in cooking and her present for me was one of my favourites - her salmon dish.

We decided don't want to have any carbs, so we only had a big piece of salmon with one avocado each person and asparagus, and it was served with white sauce with kavian.

Her friend left this piece of chocolate last week for
her room mate Mattias and I had it for my tea after dinner. 

I really had enjoyed the dinner and the precious time we shared together. I am glad I still have one daughter that stays close enough where I only need to check the local transport time table before jumping on a bus or tram instead of buying an air ticket, quit at the airport and fly miles and miles away for a meet up.

Thanks darling for a really great meal, which I have longing for since half year ago when I was in Malaysia. Last night was a fun night. Love you Mabel!

Goodbye Forever and I wish you enough

Last night after I read this article from Facebook, I couldn't sleep. All my memories about mum came back but it's a good process for me though because I need to be sad for missing her much once in a while, and then move on with my life. Who can forget the one they love and the love one that love them back even more....

In the memory of my mum, I would like to share this with you. Love your mum as much as you can to the limit because you never know when will the goodbye-forever be.

I WISH YOU ENOUGH 

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:
"I love you and I wish you enough."
The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.
The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"
"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
She then began to cry and walked away.

It takes a minute to find a special person. 
An hour to appreciate them. 
A day to love them. 
And an entire life to forget them.

女人与花

一个星期过去了，我上个星期从学插花的课Plantagen拿回来的花也快要谢了。。看着它们从灿烂到现在开始要零谢萎缩的样子，让我对女人一生中的成长和蜕变有些感慨。

这是当天我带回时的模样 - 代表女人的18到25吧，刚开始展现魅力的时侯

这是第二天 - 代表女人的26到38岁吧 - 散发魅力的时候

这是第三天，38到50岁时 - 虽然开始有些许要零谢和长皱纹的样子，却还是稳稳地继续发出美丽的气息

第四天 - 50到65岁 - 花瓣已经开到极端了，不能再展现太多的魅力了，但是仍然可以撑得住，还是可以继续扮演她/它的角色。

第六天 ，66 岁到.。。。- 开始萎缩了，变干花了。想到妈妈在晚年时常爱自我幽默地说: "哎呀，脸皱皱的，扑粉都没用，粉都能不敷贴在上了! 但是她不知道，在我眼中她永远是那么美丽。

我这些花可是没有被施肥过的，我妈妈可没有打过Botox (肉毒杆菌），但是花儿和妈妈一样漂亮到底。

不同的是，我可以把玫瑰花变成干花，然后还可以再用它来当装饰品。枯萎逝去的妈妈永远再也见不着，只有她的笑语和她的明智的引用句（quote）永藏在我脑海里。

让我再看看我的花束- 郁金香

第一天 

第二天

 这里有两种的郁金香 - 紫色的叫Candy Prince,单花瓣的， 橙色的叫Mary Belly, 特别的品种。

第三天

第四天

第五天，当天的夕阳尽了她的九牛二虎的气力，把她在冬天难道一见的光辉散发到淋漓尽弃，让当天下午的我，能量活起来了！我急忙把花束搬到窗口，让 郁金香也照照光。

第五天 

而我，依偎在窗边，闭上眼睛，做个深呼吸，虽然冰冷的玻璃隔离着，我还是可以感受到那微微带温暖的光芒，照耀在我的脸颊上，好好享受那短暂的温暖片刻。。。

 

今天早上，第七天 ，品种的橙色的Mary Belly把她的魅力散发在我的客厅的上，还没凋谢，还发出一阵阵清香，颜色美到还有些刺眼呢，简直把紫色的Candy Prince比下去了。

可惜郁金香是不能像玫瑰花一样能被弄成干花。凋谢时，花瓣是一片接着一片地掉落，到最后不留下美丽的痕迹。所有我很一向来都不买郁金香回家，觉得很浪费钱。我喜欢到哥德堡一个著名的花园Göteborgs Botaniska Trädgård，欣赏几百不同的种类，长在泥土上，展现那五颜六色的自然风采,

我忘了提一提，那天花店教了我如何保养这两种花儿在花瓶和海绵里的方法。要每天换水和把花脚切掉些许，还一定要记得玫瑰花喜欢温水，郁金香喜欢冷水。

所以我说嘛，

女人像花一样，有不同的色彩，不同的魅力，不同的脾气，

像花一样，要用各种不同的方式去呵护她，去爱戴她。

同样的，女人也会像花一样，有一天会无奈地凋谢。

若是明白了这个道理，就会明白一般爱花枝招展的女人，为什么整天会有"害怕不再美丽了"的心态，就会了解为什么一般的女人越上年纪，护肤品的数量就越来越多。因为女人希望也能像花一样，被温水或冷水保养着，能漂亮多久就多久。

我也不例外。。。

最终的原理，其实也很简单，偏偏有些女人爱钻牛角尖，想不开。

其实想开了就是，当我们能把心灵放开了，让平静，放松，快乐的水源不断地保养着我们，我们就能够要漂亮多久就多久。比起用常昂贵的护肤品来保养要长久得多了。

偏偏有些人就难做到这个最简单的方式。 我在学习中了， 你呢？

Potential Hobby

After countless sleeping hours in two days, finally I gained back some energy to do sometime today. I needed to get out from the apartment! Actually I have registered at Plantagen last week to attend their free one hour gardening course and today was the day. I felt that I was not contagious anymore, so I went for it.

Actually it was a kind of Plantagen's marketing strategy. Customers who have joined them as a member can attend their courses which are held once in a month. The courses very with themes according to the different seasons. Today was a course that showed us how to make a simple bouquet of flowers and how to do flower arrangement. We could bring home the flowers we made as a gift.

After the course, every member received a 15% discount coupon which is valid only for today. What a smart way of selling their products. I saw almost everyone who attended the course bought something home, so did I :).

So, may I present my first bouquet with beautiful tulips, and flower arrangement with roses and white gypsophila!

 
Well, this is what you can do when you have adult kids that already moved out.

It was fun to play with flowers and leaves and yes this could be Doris new potential hobby!

Perhaps I should ask the shop if they want an apprentice.

 

Just chill...

Not feeling any better today...

Still having running rose, headache, body aching, slightly fever, what happened to me?
Why not go and see a doctor? I rather suffer at home than wasting of many hours waiting for the doctor. If I do visit a doctor, then the best part is that the doctor would tell you... drink a lot water, take Alvodon for your fever.. Err..yes doctor, I have done all these at home, and these advice have been given to me from my friends on Facebook too, so..you are not helping doctor!

So, I guess I just have to let my body heal by itself.. A bit frustrated though by waiting to get better.

There are so many things I want to do!! I want to go back to the gym and dance Zumba this week. I want to meet my friends. I want to finish my December account paper works. I want to take photos on the stuff I want to sell on the net. I want to clean the apartment. I want to bake .....I want to ...but yet my body fails me for doing all these today..

Thank goodness the view outside the windows now is so beautiful that has cheered me up a bit. Especially from my kitchen windows..It was snowing tenderly this whole morning. I really don't know how to find words to describe the snow..It just dropped from the sky gently, quietly..like an angel has sprinkled snowy dust in the earth delicately and made the surrounding so tranquil. I can just sit at the kitchen table whole day and look outside the windows.

One of my good girl friends helped me to take care of my orchids when I was in Malaysia. She is a lady with green fingers. So, my baby orchids which have returned home, blossoming beautiful on the window shelf now that give such a wonderful contrast with the snowy white view outside..

 The only best thing I can and should do today is to just sit back, relax, with cups after cups of warm lemon honey tea in my hands..with blanket over my shoulders, and looking at my babies orchids. Orchids that blossom just in time to welcoming the Chinese New Year which will be soon here in three weeks time..how nice!

*Sigh...* flu again!

Although I have been trying hard to avoid my hubby's hugs and kisses for the past two weeks...I still KENA! ( Kena: meaning "got it" in Malay). He is definitely on his good mood and ADHD energy again! Now I am the one who got shot by the flu.. I hope my girls didn't get it though...

I have lost my taste sense and aperitif but still I needed to feed myself with something because the biological clock in the stamach is ringing. No energy to cook just for myself.. I had a quick look into the refrigerator and checked for leftover food. I wanted something light but sour. 

So, boiled water, cooked some vermicelli noodle, took out the left over food from yesterday, chooped some garlic and chilli, 
put them into the mixture of white wine vinegar, sugar, salt, sesam oil and made a dip sauce to my rolls. Then took out rice paper and corrienders.

So my lunch started to look more appetizing after I had rolled them up and made a nice and colourful rolls. I forgot how many rolls that went through into my mouth anymore..

So here was my luxurious lunch - in Vietnamese style. So light, almost no fat at all!

and then my dinner - the left over diet tomate soup with chickpeas and potatoes from yesterday.

I blended the left over cut tomatoes and some chickpeas, then put them into saucepan to cook, in medium heat. While it was cooking, I fried the potatoes and red onion with some butter, and threw in an half vegetable cube, add black pepper, cyennepeper, white peper and a little bit of salt into the soup.
When the potatoes was done, put them into the soup. So, the soup was served with a kick of creme fraiche. A Perfect soup for me who is having a flu and no appetiz to eat..

窗外的画

前天晚上睡不好，结果昨天睡到下午三点钟才起身。

起身后第一件事就是把百叶窗拉起来，这是我的习惯，因为我无法忍受没有见到老朋友的日子。每天见见她精神就会好一些。我可是差点儿错过了她。她可能已经出来一整天了，也许她在我的窗外问候了一整天，是我自己贪睡，而没有见到她整天的风采。可是还好啦，我还来得及跟她道再见。见到她在大地就要进入黑暗前，还仍然在天的一角散发出那美丽灿烂的光芒，让我忍不住赶快把那一瞬间的美丽镜头捉了下来。

过后我就上上洗手间，到厨房喝了一杯温水，然后再倒回房间里，坐在床上，低着头忙着用手提电话把这张照片放到面子书上。弄完后当我抬头向窗外一望，外面的世界却已开始变色，突然下起大雪来了。这前后还不到五分钟呢！我的老朋友已躲起来，再也不见她的踪影了。

我也不明白为什么同样的手机CAMERA,拍出来的效果差别那么大！可能是这一张是在大地要进入苍苍的黑暗前，在茫茫的雪中拍的，所有让我捕捉到了这个自然的蓝色滤光镜头，太棒了！

接着，见到了一个女人带着她的狗狗在对面的雪地上溜达。狗狗穿着红色的外套，在白茫茫的雪地上开心地乱转奔跑，牠的主人要开栏杆门走了，一直在叫着牠，而牠还不舍得离开，映出一个可爱的画面。

可惜我没有一个好的相机可以拍到狗狗的大特写，就只能看到模糊的牠。。唉。。。

或许是该把心一横，买一个棒棒的相机的时候了。。。但是，到时我不是每天很没有空，我怕我有了新玩具，废寝忘食的， 还是三思而行吧！

Emptiness

So here it goes...

sniffing a bit with tears in my eyes.... when I hugged Julie goodbye at the airport today but I didn't let her see that.

I could not sleep last night, as always, on the day before Julie goes back to Buxton. I tried to stay cool though. I tried not to talk too much to her, not to bother her with some reminders as a mother would tell her children before their travelling. She was busy with her final assignment paper whole night and I knew she was stressful. Although I wanted so much to remind her this and that, which it's in a mother's nature, what to do, I can't help it.

Last night sister-battle at the dining table

I went to bed at 5 a.m. in the early morning, woke up at 9.30 p.m. and saw she was still sitting in front of her laptop. Apparently she had stayed up whole night and didn't go to bed at all. I asked her in my morning tiring voice and she answered yes in her signing tiring voice. The old time's Doris would get annoyed about this situation and started to lecture her with, such as: See, always like that, do things last minute, why can' you this and that...etc.. Of course saying all that was because out of a mother's love with a concern that her daughter doesn't have enough sleep and got tired. 

This morning's me still felt sorry to see her had a sleepless night with the stress and struggling with her paper work, but I didn't say much. I asked her if she wanted breakfast but she said she was not hungry. So, I said no more but just quickly put on my winter jacket, took her un-dried clothes which was washed at the last minute last night, and ran down to the big washing house across our apartment, to tumbled dry them so that she could pack them down.

I came back to the apartment after 10 minutes and Julie was in her shower. I quickly switched on the stove and heated up the frying pan, took out two eggs and milk, then started making omelet. I knew she told me not hungry but I also knew she would be hungry later. So after my omelet was done, I let it cooled down and then made an egg sandwich for her to bring it along. Again, this was a very mummy's thing...I just worried she might be hungry during the waiting hours at her transit. Even though I knew she could buy food at the airport but still...I couldn't help it, and that's the least I could do for her before her leaving since I didn't need to help her to pack her luggage anymore, like I did for her and Mabel when they were small before our travelling back to Malaysia.

After dropping Julie of at the airport, I got home to a quiet apartment with some tracks that showed Julie was here (although she had been tried to clear up in the rush :). Let me see: 

Her leftover cookies on the table in the living room, empty paper bag on the floor in her room, a pair of winter boots which she doesn't need them for the time being in Buxton, and a sketch of her manga dolls on the kitchen table. How glad when I saw this unfinished scratch! I always feel kind of waste that she doesn't draw so much anymore.  Anyway, it's hanged up at the door to the girls' room now.

Mabel was still sleeping when i reached home. So after she left the apartment to work, the emptiness started to fill the atmosphere in the apartment. I could only hear the quietness and the tinnitus in my ears. I have occupied my loneliness with games on the phone and being busy body at Facebook since then. Even though I was tired..but I just couldn't go to sleep in the daylight anymore, might have the risk that I cannot fell asleep tonight.

So, here I am...

After almost eight hours of waiting, while I was writing this, Julie Whatsapped me with the following short message. While I was reading it, tears blurred my eyes, with gladness and relief.

"Hi,mom, on the train back to Buxton now. Thanks for everything this Christmas! Love you :)" 

My girls have not idea how much their few nice words and thoughts would always make my days shine and my moods swing positively. 

"You are most welcome, Anytime! Love you too." - my reply.

The Precious time

Finally Julie came back home for a little while yesterday and we spent four precious hours together.  We had lunch at home, then we went shopping and had evening tea before I drove her to her boyfriend. It was really a very cosy and nice mother and daughter hours together. How I wished time would stand still so that we could catch up much more. I have missed her so much but I respect her needs to have her own space so that she can spend some quality times with Mabel and Maximilian too. Her three weeks holidays here are not long enough though, and I precious every hours she could spend with me.

Julie is going back to Buxton next week and the next time I will meet her again will be in May, or maybe November, she hasn't decided yet. I am getting better nowadays to handle my emotion when it's time to say goodbye to her. This emotional controlling always reminds me about mum. My cousin sister and some of the previous neighbours in Malaysia had told me, my mum would always be in a gloomy mood for a few weeks after we left Butterworth. I felt the same way too when Julie left home and started university in year 2009. Today I don't let gloomy clouds cover my mood any more. Of course I would still sniff a little bit and feel my eyes with tears, every time when she walks towards the departure lift at the airport, but I will feeling better when I reach home.

Wishing my girl all the best on her last year in university and hope she will find a dream job. I am always very proud of her. As I always tell my girls, find their path and happiness. I will always support their wise decisions in life.

An unusual Friday

YOUUUU HUUUU! Broke record tonight! For the first time I got home at 11.15 pm. on a Friday night. 

Well, tonight we didn't have any special bookings and no sight of any drop-in guest's shadow outside the restaurant, so we went home. HOLD ON a minute! This was not the real reason we closed earlier. We had had no bookings and no drop-in guests nights before but we always stayed and waited until the latest 12.30 a.m. So why my boss wanted to close earlier and left tonight?

Reason: He caught a flu, a terrible one. He was not feeling well for the pass two days - shivering and vomited but refused to go to doctors. Sleep and rest is the best medicine as he said and so he did. He was feeling kind of okey while we reached restaurant tonight and then felt freezing cold again. I told him to go home first and I could continue open the restaurant but he refused. So we came home.

I do feel sorry and am worried to see his face so pale. I totally understand how he feels because I have been that situation before. Don't get me wrong but thanks to him, I am glad I could come home earlier for once in a life time on a Friday, enjoy a glass of vodka lime and updating my blog now. Perhaps I should look at the positive side, I should say, we were lucky tonight because we didn't have guests, so that my boss could go home earlier and rest, and so did I.

It just that I have this wonder: Could women tolerant flu and pain much better than men? Do men turn into a baby when they are sick? (Perhaps someone could give me an answer from their own experiences). Why I have these wonders?

What I want to clarify here is: throughout all these years how many times (I have lost count)  I had been in his situation like today. I also had caught this type of bad flu several time with even body aching, fever and headaches besides the shivering cold; I had urinary infections with high fever and enormous pain in my lower abdomen until I couldn't stand up properly; I had terrible sore throat and lost my voice. Despite all these pains, I would hold on them and still carried on with my tasks - guess services and then karaoke work. Despite my painful situation, my boss would never ask anyone to come in and take over my task or send me home for resting. He would only sent me home after the closing time. 

Perhaps you would laugh at me or get annoyed at me, why I didn't voice out. I have lost the strength to tell him how sick I was when I was not feeling well, he would never listen or want to understand. I guess in his mindset, customers are more important than the wife, after all customers are our income resource and we simply couldn't afford to have another stuff. If he could manage alone in the kitchen, I should also could manage at the services too no matter how sick I was. 

Well, welcome to the reality of our service branch. We always like to joke about our situation among friends who are also in the same branch: We can afford to die but cannot afford to be sick! 

Hmm... wonder though if we really have to work tills we drop once day...

I just finished my drink, so I should go to bed now, after all I got a Friday night off, that's the best I could have on a Friday! Good night Sweden...

农历新年的气息

今年，终于第一次把华人农历新年的气息散布在我这个小小的公寓里了。我把妈妈每年用来打扮老家的新年装饰品，统统都带回来瑞典了。妈妈最喜欢这个节日了。认识她的人都知道每年新年来我家，除了可以品尝妈妈的白果糖水，还可以从我家前门的树到客厅里那吊满了琳琅满目的新年装饰品，感觉到那浓浓的新年气息。

我很惭愧我没有教会紫薇和紫君深层地去了解和体会农历新年的欢愉，所以她们对庆祝华人农历新年的心情，不会有像我小时侯的期待和雀跃。(穿新衣，到亲戚朋友家去拜年，拿红包的日子已远去). 我无法让她们感受到这无法形容的兴奋期待。只希望他们这几天会回来家里走一趟，感染一下家里已经开始弥漫的华人新年的气息。

客厅里的春到满人间

妈妈收藏了很久的假梅花

走廊灯下的年年有余

两年前买到这俩个带着华人新年色彩的餐纸，很不舍得用呢！

在厨房里的梅花