To Julie and Mabel

First thing I did when I woke up in the morning, I ran to the sink in the bathroom  like a superwoman because the acidity which bubbled in my chest was on its way to come up to my larynx, and whoever was standing on my way better open up a V.I.P.way for my big entrance to the bathroom.  I would vomit like my heart was coming out from my month, but then would actually feel better afterwards because I had get rid of  the nausea for the time being.

As time went by, while lying on the sofa, sometimes I would cried over my swollen feet and at the same time kept touching the skin on stomach was getting more and more stretch marks. I could feel the skin on the stomach tore apart day after day. (So regretful I didn't take my sister in law, Marie's advice to buy the super expensive lotion for the stomach to prevent the stretch marks).

I would drive my husband insane because I was craving for my mother's food in the middle of the night. My master chef would try to comfort me by offering to cook any of his best dishes as long as I was happy but he didn't understand what I wanted WAS FOOD THAT TASTED LIKE MY MOM'S FOOD!

Sleepless nights and breathless was normal as the stomach was getting bigger and bigger. Hubby had to sleep on the floor in order to give place to the master of the bed, otherwise he would have the same symptoms too. (Not that big ball on his stomach though, if you don't see his middle-age stomach as a ball).

The mood swinging I had was a nightmare to hubby through out that nine whole months, but I guess by listening to my horrifying screams of the excruciating pain, while he was trying to help out by encouraging me with the well-known, classical, affective word, "PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!", would count as a torture for him. My respond was," I WANT TO GO HOME NOW, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE!" I could hear him through my loud screaming, "Errrr....Sorry there is no return ticket for this.."

Hubby lost his energy at the end, and HE was THE ONE who almost needed the nitrous oxygen because he almost fainted while I was squeezing his shoulders sooooo tight until I almost chocked him to unconsciousness.

Well, I might update this post again when I remember some more stuff. At this moment, in brief, that was how you girls came to this world, oh of course don't forget to count the 38 hours (Julie) and 6 hours (Mabel) labour pain, plus the extra 26kgs (12+14) weight-gaining.

If I could turn back time, would I do this again? The answer is a definite YES. ^-^

P.S. Positive experiences might be on the future posts ^-^

Mom's love

Julie shared the following short text on my Facebook today, which had given me a deep thought about my mother and being a mother myself.

"Your Mother carried you inside of her womb for nine whole months, she felt sick for months with nausea, then she watched her feet swell and her skin stretch and tear. She struggled to climb stairs, she got breathless quickly and even a simple task like putting her shoes on was a huge struggle for her. She suffered many sleepless nights while you kicked and squirmed inside of her and while you demanded that she scoffed junk at am  she then went through EXCRUCIATING PAIN to bring you into this world. She became your nurse, your chef, your maid, your chauffeur, your biggest fan, your teacher, your agony aunt and your best friend. She's struggled for you, cried over you, fought for you, put herself second for you, hoped the best for you and has driven herself insane with worry for you but never has she asked for anything in return because she loves you and did it all on love alone! Most of us take our Mums for granted but there are people who have lost or have never even seen theirs. If you have a loving Mother who did all of this for you, you are very lucky, never devalue her worth because one day, you'll wish you hadn't!"

My mother never told me if she had experienced all that pregnancy symptoms before but I remembered she told me a secret six months before she passed away, a secret I was wondering for long time. She was pregnant when she was 28 years old but had a miscarriage. It was a critical condition and  sadly the doctor had to remove her whole uterine. I guess back then in the 60's the medical technology was not that advance as today. Then later on in 1969 I came into her life, through adoption.

Even though mom didn't have to go through excruciating pain to bring me into this world (which my biological mom definitely did, more about her story in another time), surely my mom had yell at me over thousands times until her larynx was in pain while bringing me up (when I didn't obey her or naughty, my fault). Other than the yelling  my mom was definitely a meticulous nurse who took really good care of me (I was underweight, sick and as tiny as a little monkey baby, no kidding, she said that, confirmed by my siblings - another story next time) from the day she brought me home until the day (at age 8) I could actually cut off the frequent visits to this Chinese doctor, who gave me the thick, black, smelly Chinese herbs medicine. I hated that medicine so much but mom kind of force me to take it by pursuing with candies and threatening with rattan. Well, I guess that medicine did had its magical substances. Look how chubby I have become.

No doubt my mom was my chef. She had some good touch in a few dishes which my girls loved them too. Unfortunately mom never really teach me how to cook because she always thought I was in her way when she was cooking. So, I didn't get to learn much from her. I did manage to ask her for a few receipts in those last few months when we spent hours lying side by side on her bed while she was recalling and talking about her past. 

Was my mum my maid too? Hmm... not 100% because we always had an hourly-paid maid at home. Actually mom didn't need to do much herself but she made sure the maid would have washed the clothes and tidy up the house her way. I was not spoiled by having a maid though. I remember mom always wanted me to wash my own school shoes and policed it white. My Indian maid who loved me, was kind enough to secretly wash up my shoes every Saturday before I woke up (I always waited for the afternoon sun to wake me up). Although mom would scold the maid and I when she found out, but that was totally worth it, but I felt sorry for my maid. Oh, don't get me worry, my mom was very very kind to every maid we had hired. (Me too :))

Since my mom didn't know how to drive, she was never my chauffeur. I don't know if mom was my biggest fan though, but she loved listening to me singing those Chinese oldies songs, and she kept listening to my karaoke recording cassettes which I sent to her from Sweden (my cousin told me she did that when she missed me), so I guess my mom was my secret fan after all.

My mom taught me how to be a ladylike (I am still learning how to be one), taught me to be kind to people, taught be to be generous, charitable, polite. Even though mom was not pedagogic in teaching me any of the school subjects, she was an educative teacher in many ways, practically and spiritually. 

I guess the generation gap was quite wide between my mom and I, so we was never really good buddy in that sense. However, to compare with many of my friends' mother, my mom was a modern mom who allowed me to wear mini-skirts; allowed me to bring home boys and go out with boys when I was 15 years old. I had my teenage freedom until I chose my destiny. She was never putting her nose in my relations. ( Although sometimes I wished she had). We could talk about boys stuff and she could make comments on my boyfriends, and even gave each one of them a nickname.

Yes, my mother struggled for me because I decided to stay far away from her. She cried over me when I was sick and when I left her to Sweden. She put herself second for me for not telling me how much she wanted me to move back to Malaysia because she was hoping the best for me to have a good life in Sweden. I had driven her insane with worry when I disobeyed her; when I talked back; when I forgot/too busy to call her for a week or two. My mom loved me so so very much, more than I ever knew.

I took my mom for granted, as most of us do unconsciously. I was and I am regretful. Today I sincerely hope that you are not doing that to your mom if you have a loving mother who is still doing all these for you. You are lucky because you still have your mother around you! Even though she was not as loving as you want her to be; even though she is annoying; even though she is kind of eating your brain when she talks to you; even though she is not as perfect as your friend's mother, she is still your mother.  Love your mom the way she loves you, unselfishly.