Mother's Love

As a woman, I can really say this, you will never know how a mother's love is until you yourself become one.

It's time to go back to Malaysia to pack down mum's stuff... I left the house without giving away any of mum's beautiful clothes and mum's kitchen equipment. Some people asked for keeping mum's plates but I didn't give them all. I need to feel I am home when I reach home again next time.

I will be home again in Butterworth in three days time.At the old time, this moment at the other side of the world, mum would be so excited and busy of arranging things. She would ask the maid to take out all my clothes and towels for washing. She would change the bed sheet and fresh up my bedroom, waiting eagerly for my home return. She would have prepared the food which I love to eat on my arrival day.
At the same time, at my side here in Gothenburg, I would be busy shopping for stuff she wanted me to bring home as presents for neighbors and friends who have always helped her.

Today, I went for shopping anyway even though I didn't get the shopping list from mum anymore. I bought her favorite sour candy. There are cousins who like this candy too because of mum's sharing with them. On my way home, I thought of my bedroom in Malaysia which will not have any freshly washed bed sheets and my clothes waiting for me anymore, I felt so sad....

Gladly when I got home in the evening, there was a bedroom for me to tidy up. Mabel's room. Mabel decided to come back later, after I leave. I guess she doesn't want to say goodbye to me.. or perhaps she is angry with me because I'm going away for three months. She really need those extra 10 days for her relaxing and happiness, I understand. Well, I'm happy she stays back in Spain. Then I don't have to feel bad for leaving her with her dad on Friday. The only way I can comfort her is to let her come home to a clean bedroom with the new changed and washed bed sheets and pillow cases, and to a no-dust and tidy computer table.

Well, I have prepared some food for her in the freezer too. The different between 'me and mum' and 'me and Mabel' is, mum knew I don't know how to cook, so she cooked for me. Mabel is good in cooking though and so she doesn't really have any mummy's favorite that she is grieving for. I still made some just in case she is hungry in the middle of the night while she is watching a midnight show. I hope she got the love message though, just like I got my mum's...

Love you, mum...   爱                 永 恒 的 爱，
Love you, Mabel...            你                        永 无 止 境。。

Love you too, Jules...  and all my female friends and relatives.    

Hope our man, our boyfriend, our son understand a mother/woman's love too. Love you too, guys!

心灵治疗法之四

我妈妈生前的嗜好之一， 种花。她就是有一双把树木变得绿油油的魔术手。我来瑞典后的那么多年里，总是无法把家里小小的花和树养大。买回来时是有茂盛的，过了一些日子就变秃头了。

 最近这三年，因为不必再为孩子操太多的心，能把多余的心思和时间放在我的新嗜好上，就是照顾蓝花和把鲜花变干花。我终于捉到妈妈养花的小秘诀了， 对花要有耐心和爱心。如妈妈今日还在的话，希望她会欣慰我已学到她的一点点功夫了。

经过喧闹的周末工作日，星期天是我培养耐心的一日。疲惫的身体需要放松，我需要平静的空间来安静一下我的职业病－耳鸣，我需要一个自我的空间，把在工作上和老公争执时的气平息一下。弄弄花是填满这个空间的心灵处方。暂时家里的兰花都没开花，也还没找着旧的照片挡案，所以暂时没有兰花的照片分享。只有干花。

以下的是大前天，星期天放工回家的路上和回到家后，所拍的。

在回家的路上，凌晨四点钟 

经过一个教堂。。。像什么？？

早上六点半，早该去睡觉的了，却舍不得错过那么明媚的早晨！
躺在客厅沙发上享受外面的美景和凌静的一刻。

2012。06。03收到的花束。变成干花了！放在露台上。

Add caption

楼下的草场

另一种干花

我露台上的装饰品 

心灵治疗法之三

认识我的人都知道我老娘生来爱唱歌，也幸好我有这个自我娱乐的嗜好，再加上我有个天时地利的职业 －卡拉okDJ， 让我可以每个周末独乐乐和众乐乐。 虽然唱得不好，可是我喜欢唱歌时可以呐喊的感觉。日本人不是很压抑吗？所以他们才发明了卡拉OK，来发泄心头的闷气，抒发不平衡的心情。

前天晚上一个客人都没有，我可真的是独乐乐了。我能在瑞典熬过那么多年的冬天，克服那么多年的精神压力，我该记卡拉OK一个大功！我希望我能拥有像Tina Turner和 Madonna 一样的魄力和活力，继续唱歌。要达到那个境界，首先，先把身上的三层肥肉去了，把身体练到好像她们的身材，然后每天练歌跳舞做瑜伽。有管用吗？不知道，不过没试试看，怎知道呢？好！ 就把这个当作改变自己的出发点，加油！

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j63PxWklCt4&feature=youtu.be

心灵治疗法之二

另一个可以让我忘掉悲伤的，忘掉不愉快的心情药膏， 是会增加得胆固醇过高的风险的！谁管得着，反正心情压抑着而不开心得忧郁症的风险更高。 知道是什么吗？ 看看下面的图片你应该就明白了吧？煮一煮，吃一吃，心情就好多了。（不是一次煮那么多啦，这是在不同的时间弄出来的，反正就是解决思念我的两个宝贝之苦的方案之一咯！）

里面包的是老公拿手的叉烧肉，一级棒！

breakfast - omelet 

breakfast

spinach & lax pie

Blueberry and banana smoothie - 

Mini donuts with kaya filling

Nudlar with prawns and chicken in garlic and fish sauce,
sweet chili sauce at the side.
凉拌的面条

心灵治疗法之一

妹妹前天应该从西班牙回来了。可是她大前天在那儿打来的电话里的语气，让我感觉到她矛盾的心情。她想在我回马来西亚之前回来，可是又想在那儿多呆一些日子。我让她的心理没有压力，我告诉她，如果你觉得留下来会开心一些，那就不必勉强一定要那么快回来，只因为要和我道别，反正我们可以在网上聊天的。我说你自己决定吧。她选择了快乐。

如果我说我不想要她回来是骗我自己的。只是我不想要，也不能再为她决定一些事情了。十九岁的她已不大要我帮她做决定。只要孩子懂得寻找快乐我就会开心，就不担心了。


坦白说，我前天在市中心漫无目的走了半天，带着压抑着挂念妹妹和紫薇的心，让阳光把我把沉默的心情照一照，我穿梭在来来往往的人群和游客中，才不觉得孤独。我把每一间鞋店都逛上，在试穿鞋子中，我的心情开始平静下来。在大平卖的鞋堆中找的了一对布鞋，让我满意轻松了。都说了，我还是个女人，而且是爱鞋的女人，买到喜欢的鞋子时，就是女人很好的心灵良药，比治疗depression的药更有效 ！

我的新鞋！

归乡的心

在2010年十一月我回去北海前，我没有机会像往年一样，兴奋地直接在电话中告诉妈妈我要回去看她了，因为在我订好机票后妈妈已进了医院，我只有带着焦虑不安，难过的心情搭上回乡的飞机。


上个星期买好机票走出旅行社时，外面刚好下着在瑞典难得一见的倾盆大雨。这场雨让我想到去年我回来瑞典前几天，老家外也下着一样的大雨。想到妈妈出殡前的几天，老天爷也动情地为她嚎嚎大哭了几场，望着稀里哗啦的大雨，一股失落的心情就不禁地涌上心头。酸溜溜的气开始拥挤在胸口了。

往年，我会迫不急待地马上要打电话给妈妈，让她分享我要回乡的喜悦。我喜欢听到妈妈那清脆娇柔的声音，感觉到电话中那头传来雀跃的音符，她会假装我骗她似的问，“无丫没，露埋骗娃哦！（潮州话）”。 意思是说，真的吗？ 你不要偏我哦！可我却知道她已经在那个时候，开始倒数我和孩子老公回去的日子了。我站在大雨前，仰望濛濛的天空，把泪水吞回肚里，默默地说了一声：”妈妈我要回去了。。。“

不过，欣慰和感恩的是，家乡还有等待着我回去的亲戚朋友们，所以我马上就用手机传了信息通知他们。想到很快我又可以和他们见面了，多开心！对了，还有见到我的阿龟！

A year ago.

A year ago I left Penang with the worry about the house my parents left for me. I eagerly wanted to sell the house that time but yet I couldn't let go of it. A home where I have spent my childhood, my teenage life, my first love there since year 1977.

 Every day's good view from the house,  the morning sun

The year mom adopted me,
I was two years old. 

My father was a loving man. Before we moved to Taman Riang, we lived together with his eldest brother's family in a house that father bought. My father bought this new house and gave his brother and family the house which we had been stayed together. Dad loved his brother much to give the brother that old house I grown up with until I was 10 years old.

Dad never asked for any single penny from his brother for that house.  The only think dad wanted to have from that old place was the telephone number which my father would like to use in the new house at Taman Riang. His brother and the wife refused to let us take the telephone number and they made a big scene by arguing with my dad and yelling at my mother when she tried to stop the arguing. This incident not only upset my parents, it upset the little girl, me too.

I remember I was really angry about this. I hated my uncle and his wife so much at that time because they had caught miserable moments and fight between my parents, my parents who seldom argue with each other. Because of the incident of the stupid telephone number, my mom got upset everyday after we move into the new house. I can still remember that number: 333409. Dad finally got the number anyway because he was the one who paid the telephone bills over the past years.


Now I need to talk about our new house - our HOME. Yes, finally a home for ourselves!

My parents, the beautiful couple

I was 10 with Fisco, the
naughtiest dog we even had

Finally, no more unpleasant shouting from my uncle's wife. That evil woman couldn't burry my mom anymore! I could smell peaceful in the air and feel the quietness. I could sense mom's relief and relaxing. We finally have a home that only have me, mom and dad, and of course mom's dogs and cats.

My mum was very good in hospitality and that's why our house always had visitors and friends. Mom always arranged birthday party for me every year. My friends would love to come and help out with the decoration and food. They just simply liked to come and hang out at our house even though when there were not any party. They got to play with mom's pets and tried mom's cooking. My house was a very homy place for many of my friends. Thanks to mom who had brought me up with the hospitality skills, today I could apply them at work.

My last birthday party at home with the most guests, was my 21 years old birthday. After that, I left mum and dad for Sweden. From that moment on I never had any celebration of my birthday party again at this home. They were replaced with Julie's birthday party instead every time we went back. Mom loved that! She would be busy planning for Julie's birthday's menu and the guest list. Then almost all the relatives and the neighbors would come to the party, who not only brought presents and angbao to Julie, but for Mabel too. We liven up the house again with joy and laughters, with people and food.

My cousin sisters helped me with the food!

That's why I before I came back to Sweden last year, I had a small gathering. I invited my relatives and neighbors. We were talking about my mum, about the old time when we had birthday parties, about how happy my mum would have be if she was still around... it was a great party!

My lovely and adorable
brother, Sunny

Before I sell my house, I am going to have a party again. This time will really be a farewell party to the house, the house which keeps so many of my good & bad memories and secrets in my life, and to the relatives and friends, whom I had grown up with and whom had helped me to take good care of my parents those past years when I am in Sweden, whom had helped me to get through one of the most difficult time in my life when mom passed away one and a half year ago. It's about time for a home return again. Well, see you soon, my relatives, my friends, my house and my Ah Gui.

有时间就做做一些不需要用钱的事吧。。

时间一晃又过了一个多月了，太久没上来，差点忘了password! 我不敢说是没时间，那不是我最好的藉口。我只是让时间慢慢地从我懒洋洋的心情，take it easy的心态中溜过，而没发觉它走得那么快。

我们总是在跟时间赛跑。有一些人喜欢跟时间赛跑，觉得这样他们的人生才不会白白浪费掉，因为他们认为时间是金钱，感觉如果不和时间并肩同跑，他们就会失去金钱，结果马不停歇地，用一辈子的能量紧紧地跟着时间，一边跑一边捞金钱，最后双手抱着满怀的金钱,但是因为下半辈子的能量已被透支了，结果他们已没气力享用这些金钱。幸运的可用这金钱来换取一口尚存的气，不幸的可没机会用到，反而让一些人为了那些金钱而争夺。

我是一个很不懂得爱惜光阴，不懂得和时间赛跑的小女人，结果两袖清风，捞不到很多金，可是我把时间用在享受我爱做的事的。 就因为如此，我才遇到了很多的知心朋友，我才能够让我的视觉和感觉有机会去享受大自然的美；我才能和我的女儿一起长大而之间没有太大的代沟。

你可以笑我太随心所意，不懂得赚多一点为将来打算；你可以藐视我太天真不踏实，活在梦幻里。我无所谓的。我会当你妒忌我，因为我会享受生活而你不会。享受生活不需要有一大笔钱。放开心怀，看看你等车时周围的花草树木是不用钱的；听听树上的鸟儿的演唱会是不用钱的；到图书馆去借借书，过一个没有手机面子书的小时是不必花钱的。

放慢脚步，歇息一下吧，让心情放肆吧！