The last day of year 2012

This year I have to be honest to myself and say it out loud - I am never happy on the New Year Eve since I married and got children. In the matter of fact, today I always feel miserable, the last day of a year. 

New Year Eve... What is New Year Eve celebration to me? I don't really know cause I don't really have one since I have a family of my own.

I know there are many people who are having misfortune and miserable in their life, who have 1000000 times worse than mine right now, especially on this day, I do feel sorry for them. 

But today, I just want to be true to myself and really say it: " I AM NOT HAPPY ON EVERY NEW YEAR EVE!"

It's my own fault really cause I am married to a guy who doesn't like holiday celebration.

It's my fault I don't voice out and swallow the sadness in me every year.

What do people normally do in the New Year Eve? From the movie, from what other have told me, New Year Eve's celebration's scene should look like following, right?

1. A few good friends get together , having a good meal and good chat over a few glasses of wine or coca cola or tea and coffee, and then cheers to the count down time and wishing everybody happy new year. - never in my life time.

2. Go for a nice short trip as a couple, just enjoy a simple night out at a restaurant, nothing fancy, then  cheers with other guests and wishing each other at the countdown. - never in my life time.

3. Just sitting at home with the family and watching the fire work from the window and hugs each other and kiss each other at count down time - never done.

There are still many simple celebration pictures in my head and I couldn't think of anyone which I could place myself into.

I feel sorry and miserable that we had to leave the girls to someone else when they were kids, were young so that we can work in the restaurant on every new year eve. So in result, when they grew older and now they are adult, they never have to plan any celebration with me and their dad. If we even do it together, I guess it would be a shock for them. 

So, if I could have a few last wishes in my life time, I wish that I would have a chance to really celebrate A New Year Eve with my good friends, my girls, or go somewhere else instead of preparing the count down party for my guests, then when they go out to watch the firework and cheering to each other while I am cleaning up the dinning tables, cleaning up the wash room at 12.a.m of every last day of the past years.